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   Dear Demona, I'm trying to lose weight. What is the best diet? Thanks, Roxene Dear Roxene, stop eating fatty little foreign children; stick to USA corn fed kids. Dear Demona, Is tape really better than handcuffs? -Anonymous Dear Anonymous, Well that depends, first of all, are you hairy, and second, do you enjoy the sting of hair pulling? Dear Demona, I always feel like someone is watching me, or trying to get inside my brain. I can't tell anybody because they'll think I'm nuts, but what should I do! Please reply! -Anonymous Dear Anonymous, Someone is watching you, I know this for a fact. Why? Cuz it's me, I wanted that juicy tender brain. mmmmmm Dear Demona, My girlfriend likes Mariah Carey. How can I fix her? Terry Well Terry, there's only two things you can do; 1) home made lobotomy, or 2) find your self a better mate. Dear Demona, Me and my best friend used to talk all the time but now she never calls or anything. She won't tell me what's going on and she keeps disappearing for days at a time. What should I do?? ElizabethIAN47 It's all very simple Liz, may I call you Liz? Your friend is a werewolf, or maybe just a Jehovah's Witness. Dear Demona, Why are you letting that loser Thailog taking over your colom. He doesn't deserve you. By the way. Would you like to see my knife collection? gothail I'll skip that q, it's for Demona anyways. He's not taking it over, its still MY colum, my name at the top and the letters are addressed to me. If he wants to add his worthless advice in I have no problem with that, makes all my answers seem like priceless wisdom compared to that crap he spits out. Hey! You call this advice?????????????????? Ha! Don't make me laugh! And by the way gothial, why would she want a knife when she can have a sword? Um.. hm... okay. Dear Thailog, I really enjoyed our date last Friday, the food was superb even though the company sucked, see you next week? By the way, I told my parents that you were the one who shoved my little brother in the washing machine and chained it shut. They don't think "it was for his own safety" was a good excuse. Ciao! -LADY DEATH >:) Hello lady, well you tell your folks that your bro needs his exercise, how about another date? Tomorrow night, I know a great place where we can dine on slow chubby foreign children. I suggest you stay away from him, NOT that i'm jealous or anything, but he cant be trusted and isn't worthy of companionship. Let me guess, you're rich aren't you? Hey Demona, you stay out of this, you had your chance and you blew it. You were the one that screwed it up, this female should know the truth. Hey, she's different. I love her for her sick twisted mind, not her money. Dear Demona, I have this mate.. and he is strange.. He said we all need to live together with humans. I think he is nuts, but he doesn't listen to me, What should I do? -GargggieGirl Kill him, blame the humans and then become really bitter about losing him. Dump the loser. Trust me, staying with him will only led to heartbreak when you finally realize that he cares more for the humans then for his own people. My answer's better (nyah) What-Ever :P *** Note from the Editor: Instead of fighting over the column, Demona and Thailog have decided to share it (no doubt waiting for the opportunity to stab each other in the back) |
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