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Negotiation
To get to the Promised Land you have to
negotiate your way through the wilderness.
What is Negotiation?
Your real world is a giant negotiating table, and like it or not, you're
a participant. You, as an individual, come into conflict with others:
family members, sales clerks, competitors, or entities with impressive
names like "the Establishment" or "the power structure." How you
handle these encounters can determine not only whether you prosper, but
whether you can enjoy a full, pleasurable, satisfying life.
Negotiation is a field of knowledge and endeavor
that focuses on gaining the favor of people from whom we want things.
It's as simple as that.
What do we want?
We want all sorts of things: prestige, freedom,
money, justice, status, love, security, and recognition. Some of
us know better than others how to get what we want. You are about
to become one of these.
Traditionally, rewards presumably go to those possessing
the greatest talent, dedication, and education. But life has dis-illusioned
those who hold that virtue and hard work will triumph in the end.
The "winners" seem to be people who not only are competent, but also have
the ability to "negotiate" their way to get what they want.
What is negotiation? It is the use of information
and power to affect behavior within a "web of tension." If you think
about this broad definition, you'll realize that you do, in fact, negotiate
all the time both on your job and in your personal life.
With whom do you use information and power to affect
behavior off the job? Husbands negotiate with wives, and wives with
husbands. (I hope your marriage is a collaborative Win-Win negotiation.)
You use information and power with your friends and relatives. Negotiations
may occur with a traffic cop poised to write a ticket, with a store reluctant
to accept your personal check, with a landlord who fails to provide essential
services or wants to double your rent, with the professional who bills
you for part of the cost of his or her education, with a car dealer who
tries to pull a fast one, or with a hotel clerk who has "no room," even
though you have a guaranteed reservation. Some of the most frequent
and frustrating negotiations occur within a family, where parents and children
often unknowingly engage in this activity. Let me give you an example
from my personal experience.
My wife and I have three children. At nine,
our youngest son weighed 50 pounds, remarkably light for a child his age.
Actually, he was an embarrassment to our entire family. I say that
because my wife and I like to eat, and our two oldest children have voracious
appetites. Then there was this third kid. People would ask
us, "Where did he come from?" or "Whose kid is that?"
Our son arrived at his emaciated state by developing
a life strategy of avoiding vicinities where food might be served.
To him "meals," "kitchen," "dinner," and "food" were profane words.
Several years ago, I returned home on a Friday evening
after an ascetic week of travel and lectures. It's lonely on the
road- at least for some of us- so I pondered a potential negotiation with
my wife later in the evening. As I entered our home, I was dismayed
to find my wife curled up in a fetal position on the couch, sucking her
thumb. I perceived there might be a problem. "I've had a rough
day," she murmured.
To snap her out of her doldrums, I said, "Why don't
we all go out to a restaurant for dinner?"
She and our two oldest replied in unison, "Wonderful
idea."
The nine-year-old dissented. "I'm not going
to any restaurant! That's where they serve food!" At this point
I lifted him bodily and carried him to the automobile, which is one type
of negotiation.
As we entered the restaurant, the nine-year-old
continued to complain. Finally he said, "Dad, why do I have to sit
around the table with everyone? Why can't I be under the table?"
I turned to my wife. "Who'll know the difference?
We'll have four around and one under. We may even save ,money on
the check!" She was against this at the outset, but I convinced her
that the idea might have merit.
The meal began, and the first ten minutes were uneventful.
Before the second course arrived, I felt a clammy hand creeping up my leg.
A few seconds later my wife jumped as though she'd been goosed.
Angry, I reached under the table, grabbed the culprit
by his shoulders, and slammed him down on the seat beside me. I muttered,
"Just sit there. Do not talk to me, your mother, your brother,
or your sister!"
He replied, "Sure, but can I stand on the chair?"
"All right," I conceded, "but just leave all of
us alone!"
Twenty seconds later, without warning, this lean
child cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, "This is a crummy
restaurant!"
Startled though I was, I had enough presence
of mind to grab him by the neck, shove him under the table, and ask for
the check.
On the way home, my wife said to me, "Herb, I think
we learned something tonight. Let's not ever take the little monster
to a restaurant again."
I must confess that we never have offered
to take our lean child to a restaurant again. What our nine-year-old
did on that embarrassing occasion was to use information and power to affect
our behavior. Like so many of today's youngsters, he's a negotiator-
at least with his parents.
You constantly negotiate at work- though you may
not always be aware you're doing it. Subordinates or employees use
information and power to affect the behavior of those above them.
Let's say you have an idea or proposal you want accepted. What's
required is that you package your concept in such a way that it meets the
current needs of your boss, as well as the present priorities of your organization.
There are many people with technical expertise who lack the negotiating
skill needed to sell their ideas. As a result they feel frustrated.
In today's world a wise boss always negotiates for
the commitment of his employees. What is a boss? Someone with
the formal authority who attempts to get people to do voluntarily what
must be done. You and I know that the best way to shaft a boss these
days- to transform him into a shaftee with you being the shafter- is to
do precisely what he or she tells you to. When told what to do, you
write it down and ask, "is this what you want?" Then you proceed
to comply, literally.
Two weeks later your boss runs up to you and blurts,
"What happened?"
You reply, "I don't know. I did exactly what
you told me to do."
We have a name for that in today's world.
We call that phenomenon "Malicious Obedience." And there are many
people out there who practice it to a refined art. So if you happen
to be a boss, you never want an employee to do exactly what you tell him
to do. You want him to occasionally do what you don't tell
him to do... often what you can't tell him to do, because many problems
can't be anticipated.
Not only do you negotiate with your boss or your
subordinates, but you also negotiate with your peers. To get your
job done, you need the cooperation, help, and support of many people whose
boxes aren't situated beneath yours on an organizational chart with the
arrows pointing upward. These people may have different functions
or different disciplines. They may even be in different parts of
town. You need negotiation skill to obtain their help and support.
You may negotiate with customers or clients, bankers,
vendors, suppliers, even governmental agencies from the Internal Revenue
Service to the Occupational Safety and Health Administration. You
may negotiate for a larger budget, more office space, greater autonomy,
time off from work, a geographical transfer, or anything you believe will
meet your needs. The point I'm making is that you negotiate
more often than you realize. Therefore you should learn to do it
well. You can learn to be effective- and thus enhance the quality
of your life- on and off the job.
In every negotiation in which you're involved- in
every negotiation in which I'm involved- in fact, in every negotiation
in the world (from a diplomatic geopolitical negotiation to the purchase
of a home)- three crucial elements are always present:
1. Information. The other side
seems to know more about you and your needs than you know about them and
their needs.
2. Time. The other side doesn't
seem to be under the same kind of organizational pressure, time constraints,
and restrictive deadlines you feel you're under.
3. Power. The other side always
seems to have more power and authority than you think you have.
Power is a mind-blowing entity. It's the capacity
or ability to get things done... to exercise control over people, events,
situations, and oneself. However, all power is based on perception.
If you think you've got it, then you've got it. If you think you
don't have it, even if you have it, then you don't have it. In short,
you have more power if you believe you have power and view your life's
encounters as negotiations.
Your ability to negotiate determines whether you
can or can't influence your environment. It gives you a sense of
mastery over your life. It isn't chiseling, and it isn't intimidation
of an unsuspecting mark. It's analyzing information, time, and power
to affect behavior... the meeting of needs (yours and others') to make
things happen the way you want them to.
The fine art of negotiation isn't really new.
By my definition , two of the greatest negotiators in history lived
approximately two thousand years ago. Neither man was part of the
Establishment of his time. Neither had formal authority. However,
both exercised power.
Both men dressed shabbily, and went around asking
questions (thereby gathering information), one in the form of syllogisms,
the other in the form of parables. They had objectives and standards.
They were willing to take risks- but with a sense of mastery of the situation.
Each man chose the place and means of his death. However, in dying,
both gained the commitment of followers who carried on after them, changing
the value system on the face of this earth. In fact, many of us try
to live by their values in our daily lives.
Of course, I'm referring to Jesus Christ and Socrates.
By my definition, they were negotiators. They were Win-Win ethical
negotiators, and they were power people. In fact, both of them deliberately
used many of the collaborative approaches I will teach you through this
book.
Source: You Can Negotiate Anything by Herb Cohen |
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