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Happiness
& Bliss
by Gigi
Just
a little something to think about.
This month's Happiness & Bliss is a selection of quotes.
Enjoy.
"Holy Mother Crushes Sacred Infant" -- In a Catholic newspaper, referring
to a basketball game between two Catholic High Schools.
"Youth Hit By Train Is Rushed To Two Hospitals" -- In a local paper.
"Slain Doctor Worried About His Death" -- In a local paper in Canada.
"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." --
On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.
"Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found
doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station
"Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice.
"Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.
"Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." --
On the packaging for a wristwatch.
"Always drive on roads. Not on people." -- From a car commercial which
shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert.
"Fits one head." -- On a hotel-provided shower cap box
"In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood, proceed
uphill quickly." -- One of the emergency safety procedures at a summer
camp.
"There are two kinds of truth. There are real truths, and there are
made up truths." -- Marion Barry, on his arrest for drug use.
"An end is in sight to the severe weather shortage." -- Ian Macaskill,
BBC weather
"I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the
wall." -- Complaint letter
"That's not an animal. It's a mammal." -- Cafeteria worker serving
shrimp at a public high school. |
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