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Hunting
Humans
Today's essay
titled "Hunting In the USA" was written by Shougun Shaiya
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Hunting Humans In the USA
by Shougun Shaiya
In any situation, there is always the possibility for
improvement. Whether it's something as banal as taking out the garbage,
or as exciting as hunting your supper, everyone can benefit from discovering
new techniques. In this essay I will be discussing simple hunting
techniques & waste disposal, as well as addressing the matter of interaction
between your prey.
Why Humans?
Some of you may be wondering - why hunt Humans?
Surely the trouble and risk involved isn't worth a couple meals!
Indeed, few explore this route for exactly those reasons. However,
anyone who gives you this as a reason is really just a pansy, so don't
listen to them. Humans are delicious and nutritious! However,
the Human body does not produce vitamin C, so it's recommended that you
get this vitamin from elsewhere.
There are many "tried and true" methods to get your
prey to come to you, and one of my personal favorites is the delivery method.
This method works especially well when living with some non-Human eaters,
and is also quick, easy, and cost-effective. Simply call your local
pizza place (or chinese, or greek, etc) and order a pizza. Few people
realize that you get a free complimentary Human with each order, but be
aware that some pizza places have a rule that you must order a certain
monetary amount of food before they will agree to deliver. When the
pizza boy or girl shows up, simply take them and the pizzas, drive the
car down a ravine and make sure it blows up. Some people think this
is a waste of the car, and will urge you to sell some of the car parts
before getting rid of its corpse. Personally I think you should go
joyriding in it for a bit before getting rid of it. Maybe run down
a couple more Humans for a tasty snack. I mean, why waste it?
On Interaction
It is best to have as little interaction with your prey
as possible. Make sure your home is always in good order so your
potential meal won't get suspicious before it's suppertime. Humans
are notorious for being wary of several missing persons in your area, and
you may come under suspicion. At these times just keep your cool.
Police officers taste just as good as pizza boys and you can even keep
their cool hats! If they want to interrogate you, go with the flow,
but invite them to supper first. It was only a matter of time before
you ate them anyways, and mm mm! I think those Policemen are extra
tasty from all of those doughnuts!
Remember, keep it clean, and most of all, have FUN!
Submitted by:
Shougun Shaiya
with help from: Samurai Gigi and Samurai Ansalong
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