|
When Prey Fight Back
A Special Report By Shougun Shaiya
It's something few of us are prepared for.
Its effects may scar us for life. Yet many people avoid talking about
what to do when your prey fights back. This essay will be discussing
why prey fight back, how to prevent it, and what to do in an attack situation.
Prey animals are not always as weak and helpless
as they seem, and, properly motivated, can become potentially dangerous.
Extensive research has determined the two major factors, which, when combined
under certain circumstances, can cause prey to become hostile. The
first of these factors is an instinctual desire to avoid death, in all
of its forms, including that of being eaten. The second factor is
a little-known about chemical reaction to life-threatening situations-
that is referred to as the "adrenaline rush." The adrenaline rush
works in this way: when the adrenaline floods a prey's system, the
chemical impairs mental ability, at the same time giving a surge of strength
to the prey, allowing them to perform certain feats they would otherwise
be incapable of accomplishing. The combination of these factors often
cause prey to react in a violent manner to being eaten.
But how can we prevent our prey from attacking us?
There are many simple answers, but most are, at some time or other, ineffective.
Some commonly used methods to discourage prey from attacking include checking
for guns and other concealed weapons on your prey's person, binding your
prey, incapacitating your prey, blinding your prey, using pepper to render
your prey helplessly sneezing, and of course, the simple method of killing
your prey before you begin to eat it. Many do not like the latter
method for the obvious disadvantage of the loss of entertainment, and to
these, I give only this advice: stay cautious, and chances are you
will remain well.
Unfortunately, most of these methods will be ineffective
once your prey has actually engaged an attack. Your prey may have
been concealing weapons such as guns, knives, holy water, or pepper spray.
Some even carry stakes made of metal or wood. These stakes have been
fashionably renames "spikes" and decorate many articles of clothing, such
as collars and leather jackets. If, during the course of a fight,
your prey draws a gun, two courses of action are suggested; 1) Immediately
leap forward to knock the gun from your opponent's hand, so they don't
have time to aim; or 2) Run. In the instance of a knife or other
close-quarter instrument, pick up the gun you got from the first prey animal
and shoot the one with the knife. If your prey attacks with you holy
water, don't worry because it's not really holy. They can call it
holy if a Pope touches some of the water in a million-gallon tank.
You might want to worry about germs though. I wonder if "holy" water
is like a vitamin or virus- if you boil holy water for 3 minutes will it
revert to normal water, albeit flat? If you drink holy water, will
the resulting urine be holy urine? We must ponder. If the prey
you decide to consume has pepper spray, try to avoid contact with your
eyes, and incapacitate the prey as soon as possible. Often pepper-spray
armed prey are also armed with red high heels, which, when used effectively,
can cause a lot of damage to any male hunter. If you are a female
and attack one of the pepper spray wielding prey animals, be wary of the
long stylish hair on the prey animal, and its long, painted claws.
Many unfortunate huntresses have perished because they did not realize
that pepper spray wielders' hair is actually alive, reaching out to strangle
the innocent huntresses. Some have struggled free from the Hair of
Death only to have their throats clawed out by the pepper spray wielder's
nails. Strangely, the Hair of Death only attacks other females, so
hunters need not fear its deadly touch. It is recommended that both
the novice hunter and huntress avoid pepper-spray wielding prey until they
have a bit more experience. I hope this report has helped to answer some
of the questions many novices have about what to do when PREY FIGHTS BACK.
This is Shougun Shaiya, signing off. Good night. |
